Handling Cynthia: A Second Chances Novella Page 10

  Stupid girl, head always in the clouds. Real life isn't a romance novel. Real life sucks.

  She opened the door and motioned weakly for Trent to come in, her head throbbing, her body too exhausted to fight anymore. They sat on opposite ends of the couch. He looked at her intently.

  "I'm not here to beg, or to pressure you. I'm asking you to reconsider."

  She rubbed her temples. "I don't want to fight with you. You said that the way to erase the power struggle is for me to trust and obey. But that's not it at all. In a D/s relationship, the Dom is attuned to the desires of the sub. You're so busy trying to mold me, you won't even listen to what I want. You just take charge."

  "I'm sorry. I made mistakes, and I acknowledge that. I'm learning, Cyn. Give me a chance. The best way to avoid a situation like this morning is to have rules and rituals so we both know what to expect."

  "I need to be able to trust you. After this morning, I don't."

  His lips pulled tight. "You had your safe word. You could have used it."

  "I was honest with you. I told you what I needed. Instead, you wanted to spank me. I went along to please you, because that's what subs do. It was a violation of my trust, of my submission."

  "If you don't use your safe word, you're complicit in everything that happens. You can't come back hours later and complain I took advantage of you." He scowled. "And anyway, you asked for it. Literally. You asked me to spank you."

  "Because you told me to!" Her cheeks caught fire. "We're not compatible."

  "Bullshit. I can make you happy, and it scares you. You say you only want power exchange in the bedroom, but I saw how wet that spanking made you." He moved closer and ran his hands down her arms. "Cyn, you're a beautiful, smart, successful woman. I know how lucky I would be to have you in my life. I don't take charge because I think you're helpless. I do it because we're both excited by it."

  "A relationship is about more than sex. We're not communicating!"

  "I'm trying. I don't have all the answers yet, but I'm learning. I understand now, that if you're irritated or upset, you don't need correction. You need me to listen."

  "Thank you," she said, her tone more smart-ass than submissive.

  "But I expect you to treat me with respect. I think we should consider disciplinary spankings when you break a rule like that."

  She threw up her hands. "And all day I've been telling you, I'm not interested in that."

  "I'm not talking about domestic discipline. The purpose isn't behavior modification, or to actually inflict pain. It's to reinforce the dynamic between us, which we both enjoy. I want it to be pleasurable for you. If you're not in the right mindset, we can postpone it. And you've always got the right to say no."

  "Trent, I appreciate that you've put so much thought into this. It isn't what I'm looking for."

  "Yes, I'm aware of that." His voice took on a clinical tone. "I'd like you to consider my proposal as an alternative."

  "Why is this so important to you?"

  "We need rules. So I know when it's okay to dominate you and when it's not."

  She hadn't thought about it that way—that Trent needed rules, too. But of course he did. If anything, rules were even more important for the Dom, so he could set the parameters of the relationship.

  "I'm fine with rules. I'm looking for something more circumscribed. D/s in the bedroom, during scenes that we negotiate ahead of time. That's it."

  Trent looked at her, then shook his head.

  "What?" she demanded.

  "You want me to dominate you, as long as you decide where and when. You're angry about what happened this morning, even though you loved it."

  "I didn't love it."

  "You did."

  She rolled her eyes. "Okay, the sex was amazing, but you didn't listen to me."

  "I'm listening now. Can we please move forward?"

  She combed her fingers through her hair, mussing it, too exhausted to care. "No threatening to spank me for initiating sex."

  He chuckled. "Deal."

  "You're not my Dom unless we're playing a scene. No telling me what to eat, or scolding me for getting mad."

  "Agreed. But I want you to behave respectfully, no matter how angry you get. That's common courtesy."

  She glared.

  His expression didn't waver. "And no flirting with other men, or there will be consequences. That includes Rick."

  "I don't flirt with Rick!"

  "He touches you the way he did when you were dating, and you let him."

  She pursed her lips. She wanted to object, but flirting was a reasonable thing for him to object to. She sank her head into her hands. "I suppose we can try that. But if I decide I don't like it, it's off the table. No pressuring me."

  "Of course. This is about your pleasure, not me getting my way."

  She softened, though still unconvinced. "If you say so."

  He pressed a finger to her lips. "I'll let that tone of voice slide for now. "

  "You are so bossy."

  "And you love it."

  Butterfly wings tickled her stomach. She did love it. But the situation was more complicated than that, and she didn't know how to explain it to him.

  He scooted next to her. "Cyn, I feel terrible about the mistakes I made this morning. But let's put those aside for a minute. Think how aroused you got at the threat of punishment. I want to incorporate BDSM into our lives so that sex is spontaneous and fun. Would you really prefer it to be scheduled and negotiated like a business transaction?"

  She stared at her hands. He brushed her hair off her shoulder, his fingers glancing the sensitive skin of her neck. She leaned toward him, and he kissed her temple. In a small voice, she said, "I want our relationship to be an equal partnership."

  "So do I. That doesn't mean we're both in charge of everything. You're in charge of some things, and I'm in charge of others."

  "And in some things, you're in charge of me."

  "Things we both agree to." He buried his face in her hair and kissed her ear. "The sub always has the final say."

  She played with the buttons on his shirt. "As long as it's a role-playing game, it doesn't feel like oppression. But if it becomes part of our daily lives…"

  "Cyn, I don't want to oppress you. I want to give you an orgasm every time you walk into a room. That's what BDSM is about for me. Maximizing the number of orgasms I give you."

  She giggled. "When you put it that way, it does sound kind of awesome."

  He drew her onto his lap and kissed her. She rested her forehead against his neck, absorbing the pleasure of his closeness and his care. "I'm sorry I'm so difficult."

  He lifted her chin. "You're not difficult. I screwed up. This is a big adjustment for both of us. I'll do whatever it takes, Cyn. I've wanted this since I was fifteen."

  "I hope reality can compete with the fantasy."

  "So far, reality has been orders of magnitude better."

  She giggled. "Except for the fighting."

  "It wouldn't be real without the fighting." He teased her lips with his, then deepened the kiss. His hand cupped her breast.

  "Mmm…" Her breathing quickened, but she forced herself to pull away. "We need to meet Rick and Jordan for dinner soon."

  He eyed the clock. "We've got almost an hour. That's plenty of time."

  "Trent, seriously, I'm not a machine. You're the grandmaster of fucking—but after four orgasms in twenty-four hours, I need to pace myself." She kissed him. He smirked and stroked her hair.

  She rose and took her MacBook from the desk. She powered it up and sat beside him with the computer on her lap. "Let's discuss our boundaries."

  "We can talk later, when I'm in Delaware and you're in New York. We've got a limited window for sex."

  She opened a new spreadsheet. "Tell me what you're into."

  He shrugged. "No edge play or anything. Just your average bondage and discipline."

  She smiled, her shoulders relaxing. "Good. Me too."

  "I'd
like to try some toys."

  "Oka-ay." She sat forward. "You mean like vibrators?"

  He shrugged. "Vibrators, anal beads, plugs…"

  She bit her cheeks, a band of tension gripping her neck.

  "Is that a problem?" he asked.

  "I don't know if I'm ready for that."

  He trained his gaze on her, the unyielding look softening her resolve. "But you write that stuff in your books."

  Her spine stiffened. "When did you read my books?"

  "I downloaded a couple today. Skimmed through the sex scenes."

  "It's fiction, Trent. I haven't actually done most of that stuff. I mean, not with anyone. I've tried things on my own, as research, to see what it feels like. But that doesn't mean it's something I'm into."

  "So what are we talking, here? Hard limit, soft limit?"

  "Not limits, exactly. I'm willing to try things. Well, except for clamps. Those are off the table."

  He frowned. "Okay, for now. But so we're clear, anal toys are okay?"

  She brushed her hair off her face and set her feet squarely on the floor. "Do we have to talk about this?"

  "I don't want to find out in the middle of a scene that something I'm doing is a hard limit."

  She exhaled. "I don't know…I mean, psychologically…" She fiddled with the roller ball on her laptop. "When Rick and I were dating, he wanted to try anal sex. I was so not ready. It made me feel violated, even the fact that he brought it up. So this is a difficult conversation for me."

  His hand glided from her shoulder to her waist. "Did he pressure you?"

  "Not at all. But I felt guilty for saying no. It's how I'm wired."

  "You never have to feel guilty for saying no to me. This is about your pleasure as much as mine. If you don't want to try it—"

  "It's not that I don't want to. It's that…" She stared at her shoes. "I don't want to have to say yes to it."

  "But you're not saying no?"

  She exhaled. "I'm not saying no."

  He leaned in and teased her lips with his own. She tried to deepen the kiss, but the computer was between them. He slid back and glided his hand along her arm. "You're curious."

  "I think about it a lot, because of my books. But it scares me."

  He nuzzled her neck. "I promise I won't hurt you. The moment it hurts, we'll stop."

  She leaned toward him, then pulled away. "You've done it before."

  "A few times."

  "With Emily?"

  He scowled. "Hell, no."

  "So, just someone you were fucking."

  "Someone I was dating." Irritation tinged his voice. "Em and I broke up two years ago. I haven't been celibate all that time."

  She pouted. "I'm jealous."

  "Now you know how I feel about you and Rick."

  "Please. That is so over."

  "To a casual bystander, it doesn't look over. And if you don't behave yourself, you will have to answer for it." His stern tone made her stomach flutter.

  She lowered her eyes, cheeks flushing, and looked over her spreadsheet. Her mouth grew dry. "We should talk about implements."

  He shifted beside her. "I don't want this part to be so structured, we can't just play." He lifted her chin and brought her gaze to his. "Part of the turn-on of dominance is that I make the decisions, especially when it comes to discipline."

  His hard stare melted her insides, and the protests on her lips fell silent.

  "During a scene, I expect you to obey me unconditionally. Let go of control, knowing that your body is more precious to me than my own. Even if you're apprehensive, I want you to submit and trust me to take care of you, because everything I do is for your pleasure."

  She chewed her thumbnail, but quickly balled her fists to keep from ruining her manicure. "You're asking a lot."

  "I know. But I also know how strong you are. If I didn't challenge you, you'd get bored."

  She swallowed. Damn. He's right. "I don't mind trying things, but if I safeword, that's it. You won't pressure me?"

  "If you safeword, everything stops. I might encourage you to try again, but I'll never pressure you."

  She let out a sigh. "Okay."

  "We'll experiment, figure out together what we like." He kissed the corner of her mouth. "Do you have any hard limits?"

  "Privacy is important to me. No sex in public places…and no multiple partners."

  "I wasn't planning to share you." His eyes danced.

  "This is going to sound weird." Her lips pulled tight. "I don't want you to spank me in the morning. It's just not sexy to me then. "

  He tapped his chin. "I can live with that. If you break a rule, I won't mention it until later in the day. And you can spend hours stewing over what might happen."

  Instinctively, she grinned. She tried to hide it, but too late.

  "You like that idea." He took the computer from her and closed it, setting it on the desk. She rose and he pulled her into a kiss. Her body yielded to his tight grip, his mouth suckling her lips. She pressed her body hard against him, unable to get close enough, his flat planes rubbing against her curves. His tongue explored her mouth, probing and swirling.

  "Trent," she breathed. Her sex throbbed. She wanted him to lay her on her back, push up her skirt, ram himself deep inside her. She reached for his belt, but he stilled her hand.

  "I want you to wait for it. All through dinner, I want you to think about me, how hard I am for you, how good it's going to be when I pinch your clit and make you scream. And remember the rules, Cyn, what I said about Rick. You won't like the punishment I have in mind if you disobey."

  A rush of blood engorged her sex painfully. The idea of waiting until after dinner to find relief both frustrated and aroused her. She nibbled at his lips.

  He clutched her face in his hands. "I'm going to change for dinner. Meet me in the lobby at seven forty-five. You can guess what will happen if you're late."

  Chapter 10

  Cyn left her room at seven-forty and found Trent in the lobby reading on his phone. He smiled when he saw her, kissing her cheek. "You look gorgeous."

  He had changed into a suit, so she was glad she had put on a red backless dress, the skirt falling just above the knee.

  Jordan was next to arrive, looking like he'd stepped out of a Ralph Lauren ad in a sea-green herringbone sport coat over chamois-colored jeans. He smiled when he saw her. "Damn, you look good. I would totally hit that…if I understood how any of that worked."

  "Come on," Trent said. "You've never been with a woman? Not once?"

  "Come on," Jordan said. "You've never been with a man?"

  "Dude!"

  Jordan looked at Cyn and grinned.

  "Hey." Rick joined them, dressed in black. He put a hand on Jordan's shoulder. "We cool?"

  "Yeah." Jordan fist-bumped him.

  Happiness threaded through her heart. It was good to see them back to normal.

  She and Trent put on their coats and headed out to the parking lot, Rick and Jordan following slowly behind. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but recognized the cadence of Rick's voice chattering away. Jordan's laughter cut through the cold air.

  "Sounds like they're okay," she said.

  "Um-hmm."

  "Guess you were right."

  "Cyn, I'm not trying to discourage you from being concerned about people. If you obsess over things you can't change, it'll drive you crazy. Emily did that, and nothing I did made it better."

  "Is that why you guys broke up?"

  He stopped and took her hand. "We broke up because she wasn't you."

  Her breath caught, and her heart fluttered.

  "I think what first attracted me," he said, "was that she reminded me of you. In the end, she was only a substitute."

  A sly grin stole over her lips. "So what did she object to? The bondage or the spanking?"

  He chuckled. "Both. One hundred percent vanilla. Didn't even like doggie style."

  Rick and Jordan caught up with them and they got into
Rick's car, riding in their usual positions: Trent shotgun because of his long legs, Jordan in the back with Cyn.

  She squeezed Jordan's hand. "So have you been seeing anyone since you broke up with the loser?"

  He shook his head. "Been focusing on work. Need to put in a ton of hours before I can get my architect's license."

  "He broke your heart, didn't he."

  "More than anything, he disappointed me. I thought he had the potential to evolve, but I was wrong." He threaded his fingers through hers. "What about you? You never mention dating anyone."

  "I haven't had a long-term relationship since Rick. Which isn't a bad thing. I learned to be picky." She giggled. "Not that I was slumming it with Rick."

  "I ruined you for other men," Rick said.

  "I tried commitment. I was ready for a change."

  "Rick felt the same way," Jordan said, an edge to his voice.

  "What are you talking about?" Trent said. "Rick is a serial monogamist. Three years with Cyn, two with Amanda, a year with Nicole, and a year and a half with Jessica. Twenty-three years old, and he's been in monogamous relationships for seven and a half years. The guy never learned to date."

  "I've dated."

  "He and Nicole weren't serious," Jordan said. "It was on-again, off-again. He was mainly with her because they were sexually compatible."

  "Jordy," Rick warned.

  "What? Cyn knows about your proclivities."

  "Shut the fuck up."

  "Oh, snap." A nervous laugh fluttered out of her. "You got someone to give you what I wouldn't?" Everyone in this car has done it but me.

  "Jordy, I will fucking kill you."

  "How come I didn't know about this?" Trent asked.

  "Because I'm a gentleman."

  "Like hell. You told Jordy."

  "Trent, let it go," Cyn said. "He needs to focus on driving."

  They approached a traffic light, and Rick stopped. "It wasn't only sex. Nicole's fantastic. We were casual, that's all."

  "And then Jess swept you off your feet," Jordan mocked.

  "I made the mistake of bringing her home. Mom fell in love with her. She fit with my family, you know? Just not with me."